One month!

It seems crazy to say it has been one month since I have even been in a shop.  Even crazier is the idea that I have barely spent any money on anything.  I have purchased a couple of meals and a couple of coffees.  That is it.  I just received my spending summary for last week...nothing, zero dollars.  Wow, I don't think that has ever happened before.  Wow.  This is going better than I expected.

I did have a few weak moments last week.  My daughter sent me a link to an article about the very interesting, confusing, and fun collaboration between my love Lilly Pulitzer and Target.  There were pictures attached, which were viewed.  The stuff looks fabulous! Bathing suits, rompers, sundresses, scarves, superb bags: they nailed this collection for spring.  One of the bathing suits is especially reminiscent of a Lilly bikini I owned and wore on my spring break over thirty years ago.  Everything old is new again.  I could have easily clicked over to Target on line and started shopping for Bridget and myself.  However, I did no such thing.  I simply emailed Bridget and told her she should do her own shopping.  Yikes, I can't believe my self-control.

Also, I actually ran into some friends at the Starbucks in a Target entrance last Friday after school.  I ran in to get my coffee so that I can stay awake for the unusually long drive home on Friday afternoons.  I like to go west to 315 to avoid I71 on Fridays.  I could go Cooke to Northwest, but the Starbucks is too difficult to get in and out of on Friday afternoons.  So, I ran into Starbucks at the corner of Morse and High. That way I can just shoot down to Henderson and go due west to catch 315 south.( This driving description thing is a fall out of just one week in California)  A few friends, as it turns out, also stopped  Three of my De Sales colleagues ran in to that same Target location.  Two to get coffee like me and one just to run errands.  I sat way in front by the windows to avoid the store and I was easily spotted, it seems.  It was so fun to chat and catch up for a few minutes at the end of the long week.  It was one of those things, that never could have been planned in advance, it was just serendipity.  Yet, it was such a relaxing way to close out the school day.

I really had to avert my eyes and attention as I walked out of Target Starbucks.  I held on to my goal and my sanity by making a quick jog out of that devil place :) It is a good thing I don't actually know if all of that Lilly stuff is on the shelves yet.  It is a good thing I am very determined and very tired on Friday afternoons.  It is a good thing I have been doing this a month and don't want to be embarrassed by a lack of self-control.  I really feel like I am on my way to success.  Thanks for all of the support.  Spring break is coming up in three days...things could get ugly.  Stay tunes...

Day 17---------ah, well

So, daily posting has become way to cumbersome for my life. As much as I do love to blab, I find that this venture into not shopping has not been nearly what I imagined and I, therefore, struggle to  have very much to say about this experiment. As a matter of fact, except for a few tiny temptations, I have not found this fast to be too difficult at all.

It has been many years since I have gone almost a month without shopping.  I have been a bit under the weather of late, that has helped me avoid shops of all kinds, on-line and catalog, included. Typically, I am readying myself, classroom, and home for the upcoming season and planning purchases as many do daily work agendas.  There is much to do to spoil my children and students for the Easter celebrations of spring. Easter requires new clothes, baskets of treats, little surprises for friends and homeroom. It is a time to investigate new styles, colors, and patterns for the home and self.  Generally, I spend hours perusing catalogs and websites.  This Lent has been quite a serious fast from the usual.

I have most definitely enjoyed looking at my bank account.  It is the first time in my life that I have logged onto the bank statement account website situation. I do find that I check on my progress at least once every few days.  Although I know that I haven't even spent money on anything but meals  and doctors, I still like that written confirmation.  I do feel a sense of peace knowing that I have not added to my wonderful husband's stress level.  I do feel a minuscule sense of accomplishment. That does seem silly, considering I haven't done a darn thing.  I just feel a bit afraid for what may be to come when the newness of the venture wears off.

I find that  I have more time for yoga.  That is a true blessing. I cannot speak loudly enough about what yoga has meant to my life over the last year.  I have never felt so good about my body and my physical strength.  That is not to say that I am some yogi beast.  It just means that I feel more empowered than I have before.  I feel a control that makes me worry less about my continual aging in the face of this bear-of-a-chronic illness that will not leave me alone.  The ability to balance and stretch and move with power give me a sense of contentment that I truly appreciate.

Well, that's my little update.  I am on my way to a yummy dinner from Texas Roadhouse.  Hopefully, the next time you hear from me, it will not be to say, "I can't do it."  Not everyone believes I can really keep this up (Ross).  We will just have to see, I guess. We will just have to see. TGIT!

Day 16

It just occurred to me this minute that I am in the double digits on this days-off-shopping thing.  I am fairly surprised by that.  I will be rounding three weeks pretty soon and I may celebrate by eating a little dark chocolate tonight.

Yesterday was an ordinary day.  Between doctoring, yoga, and my glass of wine last night, I had no real time to shop.  I am overwhelmed by grading and some paper issues with my juniors.  It seems there is always, always work to fill my shopping time. Who knew how much time I had for work?

I thought I would feel less stressed by this fast.  In reality, paying attention to spending and shopping make me feel way worse.  I feel more stressed and am sleeping really poorly.  I am not saying the two are connected. But...you do the math.

My doctor suggested I try eliminating fructose from my diet.  Dear God...it is all fast all of the time in my life lately.  I have decided to try this, though.  I have worked with my wonderful husband to create a shopping list for the grocery.  I miss the grocery a lot.  I love fresh fruit, vegetables, spices, meats, fishes, etc from the grocery. I find it to be an aesthetic experience, this grocery shopping. It is a fill for the senses and the palette. I miss the little taste tester bins and trial size offerings.  I miss being able to examine and choose just the right squash or bag of spinach. Crazy. I know.  What else is new?

Ah, well.  Off to correct more papers.  No time to shop; no time to reflect; no time to waste.

Day 15

Day 15 marked a wonderful and enlivening event.  For two hours yesterday afternoon, I helped to host the Battle for the Books quiz bowl in our school cafeteria.  I had the job of reading/ yelling questions to groups of students from our feeder schools for the entire two hours.  I was amazed by the groups' knowledge of the eighty-five books they were given to read.  Minute details were examined, most of the time, correctly.  The students were so excited when they correctly answered a very specific question about the title and author of a book. It was such good clean fun that I felt happy to be a part of it all.

I was reminded yesterday of my love of books.  Everything about a book makes me feel good: the look of the cover, the feel of the paper pages, the way it spine softens as the book is cradled in one's hands.  I used to be a voracious reader.  I would run through several novels a week.  My favorite genre is historical fiction, but I would read most anything, except science fiction and fantasy.  I so enjoy discussing stories with friends and families.  I miss reading so.

Three years ago I had a little case of shingles down the right side of my face.  It was quite painful and left me with a challenging post-herpetic neuralgia that just refuses to subside.  The trigeminal nerve is a mess and makes my eyes crazy with double vision.  I can read only snipits for a short period of time before being shut down with double vision.  The question reading was causing some upset in my face and ear last night as we finished up the student competition.  It is not fun.  It is not fun at all to have one of my favorite pastimes taken away.

I bring this up today because I felt a longing last night to shop for books.  I used to love spending hours in the book store.  Half-Price books is one of my most favorite places.  I could lose a day perusing the one-dollar book shelf. Just think...for ten dollars I could have TEN books.  I could get cook books, books on gardening and knitting, novels I might have missed from the best-seller lists, and books on health and physical fitness. I would super love to have some cool books on Yoga practices and meditations.  I would fill up my arms and need my husband to carry my extra stack.

Books surrounded me at home, as well.  My nightstand was piled high with the books I was set to read in the coming days. My books made me feel at ease, somehow whole.  Shopping for books made me feel the potential for human growth that comes with reading.  It made me feel like a good citizen of the earth.  Reading made me feel truly human in some way.

Now, I have no place shopping for books.  It is one thing I gave up three years ago.  It has not been an easy fast.  However, it reminds me of my will and power to take control over my life.  It gives me hope for the success of my shopping fast.  If you can read...do it. Spend a hour to two in the book store and just see what's new.  I will be headed to the library.  It offers the best of free shopping and no hassle returns.  Pick up a book.

Irish Wisdom

Day 13 (and 14)

So I have been a little lax in keeping up with my blogging.  The weekend was busy and I did have my challenges, but I just did not get to the page to remark about it all.  It makes me feel good, actually, that I had little time to reflect.  Life is somewhat about doing, right?

Friday was my sister's 50th birthday. Somehow this makes me feel old.  It makes me feel older than my own 50th did.  I don't know why.  It just does.  This was also the week that my daughter turned 21 and our close family friend, Ian turned 20.  There was lots of celebrating to do.  Friday night Bridget came in town to pack some things for the beach and drop off her lovely puppy, Evie.  Bridget brings some serious challenge to the shopping moratorium.  She is my partner in crime, no doubt.  We also celebrated Ian and my sister this weekend.

Friday evening we gathered Ian and Bridget together at Wolf's Ridge Brew Pub for a nice dinner. I was having a tiny personal celebration at this dinner:  I resisted shopping with Bridget at TJMaxx for summer swim suits.  I wasn't sure if I would be able to do this when it came before me.  I traded in a shopping trip with my baby girl for an hour of yoga and a glass of pinot grigio.  Not a bad trade.  So, at dinner I felt pretty good about my first two weeks of fast.  We laughed a lot and ate a lot and enjoyed a lot.  Bridget got to order a drink and the waitress didn't even card her...bummer.

Saturday was really busy, too.  Most weekend days begins with yoga.  It is centering and powerful.  This Saturday I had to disrupt the normal plan by scheduling an MRI that turned out to be quite painful.  The way they had my shoulder packed in that machine was brutal.  It doesn't sound like much to say, "you will be out of there in 30 minutes." However, by the time 15 minutes were up, I was close to pushing that panic button to see if the tech could move me.  I have rarely been in such pain. Normally, I would reward my MRI suffering with a bit of shopping.  This Saturday, I just went home and did that hour of yoga my body, mind, and spirit so crave.

The long and the short of the weekend is pretty simple: nice meals with the my family, including my sister's crew and my son Kevin;  yoga to calm my nerves and feed my soul; long talks with my husband; and much needed sleep. Conspicuously missing was shopping of all kinds.  Also missing was grading.  Therefore, I must get to work.  Happy Monday morning to all.  70 and sunny today.  Get out and soak up some sun!

Day 12

So how is it going?  Well, everyone I see happens to ask me this question about how this project of mine is progressing.  To be honest, it is going better than I imagined it would.  Although it has only been a bit short of two weeks, I am surprised about what I have learned about myself and other important things about the world. 

I have more time to do petty research now.  As you know, I have already studied eye creams and today I did some research on the history of mascara. Each morning of my life I send up a little prayer of thanks to God for the creators of mascara.  I never knew the names of these beauty history greats until today. What I have learned about mascara is rather interesting and well-worth passing on.  

Mascara as we know it today comes from two products, petroleum jelly and coal dust.  Eugene Rimmel, God bless his soul, in 1917 created the first packaged mascara product out of these two basic ingredients.  I am pretty sure I have seen the name Rimmel on some make up product before, but it has held no meaning until now.  I  find it interesting the this mascara was created by a man.  I also find it interesting to note the ancient history of changing the color or shape of the eyes with this black joy-of-a-thing we see as so normal today. 

In ancient times, most of us know, the eyes were considered the portal to the soul.  They were marked with black kohl in an attempt to CONCEAL them! This practice was thought to ward off evil spirits, to seek protection, to celebrate life and death and cause success in war. Woman and men wore mascara and it was not considered a feminine practice.  I think it is also the basis for why athletes mark their eye area with black before they go into battle. (I am making that athlete part up, but...) Now we try so hard to expose the eyes as a thing of personality and expression. I wonder why the change. I can bet change in ritual and religion had something to do with it.

Religious practice has influenced our culture so much over history, it amazes me.  Who would have thunk that the application of mascara could be tied to religious ritual and protection of the gods? Certainly, not me. Whatever the reason, I am thankful.  I try every day to beautify my eyes with mascara. I am pretty sure that this vain behavior is not too pleasing to God. However, it is darn pleasing to me! 

I now know to offer up a moment of prayer to Mr. Eugene Rimmel each morning. May his soul be at rest, knowing how he has enhanced my life and lengthened my morning ritual.  

Day 11

So here is the deal...I would also like to add to the list of things to not shop for over the year.  I would like to stop shopping and paying for DOCTORS.  If I were able to do this, I would save so much money, so much time, and so much grief.  I would also probably be dead, but that is not the point right now.  Just this week I have spent $75 on basic copay type fees.  Who knows what the real bill will be when the actual 20% is figured.  If I end up having surgery on my elbow and shoulder it will negate any savings I could be accruing from my shopping fast.  Yikes.  Not fun.

I have also realized, since I have actually begun to look at my bank account for the first time in my life, that my spending on medicines, lab tests, and other therapies is ridiculous.  I suppose I am glad I have not kept an accounting of such things.  It would only lead to a greater guilt I suffer from being a sickly person.  I have drained an exorbitant amount of cash each month due to this crazy lupus/ra situation.  No one else in my family, thank God, has taken money out of our economy due to medical illness.  It is a bizarre thing to imagine what it would be like not to have this burden.

I try not to think about what life would be like without this illness hanging over my head. I attempt to push aside the notion that other women do not need surgery every other year, shots for osteoporosis, or a cast or sling every four months.  My sense of denial seems to be the one thing keeping me sane.  It is what it is, that's what I keep telling every one.  Truth be told, what it is kind of stinks.

This is one of those times when I feel like I "deserve" to at least try to look good. I feel sorry for myself and think that I should be able to at least dress this sad ole body.  I convince myself that new clothing and jewelry will help me with my "fake it till you make it" mentality.  It is hobby that I can do even when I am physically unable to run, workout, ride my bike, etc.  It is something I do well.

With the turn of seasons, I will miss my little activity of shopping.  I follow fashion and feel a sense of resurrection with the change of clothing.  I love to see the colors and styles that accompany the turning of the tides.  I certainly do not have the control at this point to do any window shopping.  Maybe someday I will be able to convert my habits into a change of heart. Happy Thursday.

Day 10

Good morning.  I would like to begin by acknowledging that my daily blog titles are about as dry and boring as could be.  They are not the catchy titles I would advise my students to use, that is for certain.  The titles are simply a count up of what I have achieved with my little goal here.  They are not efficient or notable.  As a matter of fact, I have to look back every day to see what day I am on.  I have already forgotten.  In the long run, it really doesn't matter what day it is.  It only matters if change comes out of each moment of this little fast.

To be quite frank, it is my husband who should be keeping a blog about all of this.  His life is going to be effected in ways he never would have imagined when I first discussed this with him.  In the glimmer of money saved by this process he may have been blinded to what this means for him.  He has done a great job so far.  He has gotten birthday cards and wrap, groceries and household necessities, and yesterday he took his first foray into the world of women's facial care!

There are actually very few make up/ skin care items I care too much about.  I always tell my daughter that a woman needs nothing more than a good mascara and a swipe of pretty lipstick.  As I have aged, however, I have added a few really important things to my arsenal of survival.  Skin care and trying to prevent further aging have become part of my morning routine.  As  matter of fact, moisturizers of all kinds have become important to my over-dry skin. On this list are included: eye cream, face cream, body cream and shea butter.  It is a rather particular list.  I typically use an exact list of items and replace them in a timely manner, so that I never have to go without. 

As I said the other day, I wish I would have been more prudent in my preparations for this endeavor. I have this last ten days run out of a very important eye cream, foot powder, and whitening tooth paste( I will cover tooth paste in another post, it is too important to be included here as an aside). I use this a type of firming cream, in part, to fix a little bit of a falling eyelid issue I have had since I was struck with the shingles three years ago. After some searching I found a little jar of cream that really helped this very bothersome problem.  It can be found at any Clinique counter.  It costs a ridiculous $60.00 per .5 oz. jar.  The jar does last a long time, but...I could not ask my husband to neither go to the Clinique counter, nor pay this exorbitant price for some eye cream. Seeing this daily fix through the eyes of my unfettered husband made it seem not only vain but silly.  It got me thinking...shocker!

I did a little research on the best eye creams on the market right now.  Interestingly, one of the top rated ones was available at Target stores.  I found out that it is actually made by the Channel company and marketed to the average customer under the brand Boots #7.  The cost of this cream was one third of the Clinique cream, containing similar ingredients.  I read about three other creams on the top-rated list, all of which were available at Target.  

I gave my husband a list of four possibilities and asked him to find one of them during his next Target run.  He did it!  He got the Boots #7.  What a nice little gift!  I am pretty sure he even felt good about helping me out this way.  I think he might even appreciate little this growth of knowledge about me and what it takes in this little family of ours.  I feel good about using something one third the price of what I had been used to paying without thinking twice.  

Maybe that is the best start for us both for this upcoming "year."  Maybe we will just begin to think twice about the way we judge each situation. Who knows?  I will keep you posted, of course.  

Stay tuned for the next major episode...we just ran out of bathroom cleaner! 

Day 9

Ah well. What can I say about day 9? It was rough, I have got to be honest.  Rough.

I had to drive up to a doctor appointment with the wonderful Dr. Cook at the Hand Center up by Polaris Mall.  I had emotionally prepared myself to drive right by the mall without looking or stopping or even thinking.  That part went well.  However, I was not prepared for the sight before me as I turned into the road that led me to Gemini Parkway.

There, straight ahead, as if taunting me, sat the most amazing D.S.W. I have seen in a while.  As it has been quite a bit of time since I have traveled up to Polaris, I had forgotten about the slew of shops that are not carefully contained within the mall space.  I was prepared to ignore J Crew and Talbot's.  I had steadied myself to the notion of rudely driving right past the lovely Ann Taylor.  I thought I was ready. But when I rounded the bend the stop light turned red and left me staring "face to face" with my very close friend D.S.W.

The picture below is evidence of my drive by. Don't worry, I was at a red light when I took the picture.  I am so proud of my behavior. What stuns me now is that I am actually still thinking about the perfect black flats and great new spring sandals I could be missing. They could be sitting right on the shelves waiting for me. They could be just what I "need" as I dance happily into warmer temperatures and warming sunshine. I can feel the joy of my feet slipping into the smooth brand new interior leather of a new pair of shoes.  I can imagine the way my latest pedicure would be shoe-cased in a new pair of sandals. I can honestly say that a new pair of shoes brings me an indescribable feeling.  It feels like new life.  As ridiculous as that sounds, it is true.

I will absolutely miss the hours I would have spent traipsing through the aisles of D.S.W. this spring. It is one of my favorite activities.  It is part of my hobby, as my son Sam would say. It is a way of entertaining and educating myself.  It is a way of checking in on the world of fashion. Oh, what will I do?  I suppose I will stay strong and continue to drive by.  If there were one thing that may cause me to fold on this journey, it may be D.S.W.

Day 8

Whoa...what a day was day 8!  I had quite the opportunity to shop yesterday, as I traveled to Cincinnati to celebrate my daughter's twenty-first birthday.  So many of my very favorite stores passed by my eyes as my husband chauffeured me down to my old stomping grounds. I went by the Jeffersonville outlet malls both there and back.  I went into my charming home town, which is peppered with lovely boutiques that normally create the backdrop for my afternoon with my Bridget. I passed up on the opportunity to spend some time picking through the racks of bathing suits at Target, helping my beautiful baby prepare for her upcoming vacation.  I passed by the most wonderful TJMaxx and Homegoods and did not even shed a tear. There was a good deal of interior struggle yesterday.  It did change the way I interacted with my family.  Huh...it did change.

Changing my life is really the goal of this venture.  Day eight was certainly a departure from the norm.  Instead of shopping, I was able to enjoy time with my child and husband and her grandparents. There was time to talk and visit.  I felt less rushed and stressed. I most definitely did not have to suffer the guilt of spending hundreds of dollars on clothes and stuff.   It was...good, freeing.

On the flip side, I am beginning to realize that I should have put a bit more thought into preparing myself to go a year without a day in a shop.  I should have stocked up on things that I really "need."  I am, for some un-Godly reason, running out of several of my daily necessities, like eye cream, makeup remover/ exfoliating cloths, and the perfect powder for my shoes.  I am not quite sure how to handle this.  As I am bound not to shop myself, I will have to enlist my poor husband to take care of my personal care needs.  Just how he will find the right eye cream, I do not know.  Just how much he will enjoy finding it, I can already sum up.  He will not enjoy it at all.

It has amazed me over the years how mothering is different from fathering. The care-taking aspect of the thing is what I find perplexing. How it can be that I purchase for my husband, and in the past have purchased for my three kids, everything they use each day?  How can it be that I know the sizes and cuts of everyone's clothing, the scent of everyone's deodorant, the styles of undershirt, the type of face powder.etc?  How can it be that I know the exact length-by-neck circumference in inches of my husband's shirts and he knows none of my sizes for anything?  I know in which drawers each type of laundry is to be placed.  I know everyone's favorite meal.  Who in my family can answer all of these questions for me?  Who knows what drawer is for my socks and which drawer is for my tights?  Who knows the cut and fit I like? God only knows :)  This little shopping sabbatical is forcing me to realize how much care-taking I have been doing for the last twenty seven years.  

Don't get me wrong.  I am so pleased to be deeply connected to the wants and needs and desires of the people I love.  This knowledge is a marker for how closely I know my beloved family.  It is also the gauge for how difficult it is going to be for my husband to play a new role in among this crazy group of people.  He did an excellent job yesterday with the items necessary for a birthday celebration.  Let's just see how he fares with the eye cream! Tune in tomorrow: same time, same station.

Day 7

I apologize for the tardiness of my blog today. I like many others, I suppose, have been caught up in the late morning due to time change. I do not enjoy the spring forward, especially when there is no spring!

Today marks one complete week of my no shopping quest! I am some what surprised I have made it this far! However, here I sit wondering what today will hold as I charge down to Cincinnati for my daughter's birthday brunch.

My seventh day marked the first Saturday in approximately, oh my God I don't know how many, years! I don't know how I used to fit all the shopping in and still enjoy my Saturdays. Shopping as much as I do is somewhat of an artwork.

My husband and I had a day of mini-vacation yesterday, truly vacating the norm and really enjoying our day with some new adventurous things! We ventured out to a new pub downtown and actually sat at the bar and ate our food from the neighboring food truck. I had the most sumptuous pulled pork and, unfortunately, a ton of the most delicious fries I have ever eaten.  The Seventh Son Brewery may become one of our new haunts. They have a lovely private room wherein I could see enjoying one of my children's graduation parties. It is light and airy and rustic and fun.

We met a nice young man wasting some time during his wife's baby shower. We spoke with him about life as a parent of two twin boys. We, too, had time to waste that was gained by passing on my normal hours spent engrossed in shopping.

I wonder what my friends at TJ Maxx are thinking at this point. Over the last two years it would have been  very rare that I did not show up there on the weekend to check in. Honestly, I am salivating a tiny bit thinking about what new jewelry, sweaters, and dresses may have come in. I am also dreaming of the new spring ready-to-wear that I might be missing.

Luckily, today I went "shopping" in my room and found a brand-new beautiful skirt and pair of lovely black patent-leather pumps to wear to my daughter's birthday brunch. I am definitely channeling a little June Cleaver this morning. Man, how I admire her sense of style, even when doing the dishes. I have never seen the lovely June without a string of pearls around her neck.  She is my kind of gal.

Over the years, I have truly learned that my memories are linked to my wardrobe. I honestly remember events by what I was wearing. I can tell you what I wore for every Easter for the last 25 years. I know what I wore on the night I met my husband. I know what I wore home from the hospital when having my children. I know what I wore on the first day of school at De Sales. Frankly, I know what I wore home from the hospital when I was sick and four years old in  Charleston, South Carolina. I was wearing black patent leather shoes that day, as well.

Maybe I am always focused on the outside, because looking inside is difficult. Maybe. Maybe I just love clothes and things and adorning myself with the most beautiful latest fashion out there. I suppose that is one more thing I'll have to figure out over the next 358 days. Obviously, I will have time. 

Well, I survived my first Saturday. I will survive 51 more. It will not be easy. I will really start to miss all things new. I am off to celebrate twenty one years of my daughter's life. It should be a beautiful day. The most important things,  I will be surrounded with today. And, I do just happen to have a great outfit, to boot!

Day 6

What can I say after surviving day 5?  Things are occurring, they are certainly occurring. My classroom is out of candles.  My Bath and Body collection of daily-necessities like body cream and room spray is dwindling.  My daughter's birthday brunch is quickly approaching. And, it is the first day of a weekend challenge.  Yikes.

Yesterday at school was teacher denim day.  Most people love denim day.  I am constantly amazed at how much excitement people in all walks of life find in denim day. I, however, do not find denim day to be much more than a day of stress.  I have never been a real fan of jeans.  I find them to be rather difficult to fit and not so good looking on most people.  They seem just a bit too casual to wear in a professional environment and I always worry that the day I show up in jeans will be just the day an important meeting or conference happens to take place.  It is not easy for me to plan my denim day outfits to meet the criteria for a teaching day. I do not  do casual so well, especially in the winter.  It takes much effort to create an outfit for school that works with denim.  Ah well, I found an ensemble that was sufficient for a freezing cold Friday in March.

I ended up putting together two items that I found while "shopping" in one of my closets.  I located a brand new pair of Levi's boot cut jeans and a really fun leopard print belt I must have purchased last summer at Talbot's.  I threw the jeans on with a white long-sleeve tee and a comfortable cozy ivory sweater.  The belt matched well with one of my favorite bib necklaces, so there we have it. An outfit is born.  Oh...I also have these great tan suede ankle boots that looked great at the bottom of my new boot-cuts. It was an outfit that was denim and also, fair for me to wear for a crazy day of teaching.

Getting back to what is occurring to me...I am putting so much faith in my husband during this process.  He is not only in charge of groceries; he is in charge of procuring all of the needs of this family when it comes to celebrations and gift-giving.  He has no idea what he has agreed to.  I know his initial excitement comes from an understanding of the money we can save, if I go through with this.  What he probably hasn't been able to fully grasp is what it takes to celebrate the life of a family of five.

We are celebrating our baby girl's twenty-first birthday this weekend down in Cincinnati.  Thanks be to God, I created her gift many weeks ago by shopping religiously every day for about six months.  I can't yet say what I got, but suffice it to say, it is way more and way different than I feel my husband would have picked up the day before her big day. He will learn a ton about what it takes to appreciate the big moments of family life.  I have faith in him and in our marriage.  I believe I have raised him up pretty well.  Hopefully, he has been paying close attention.

We shall see. Today he needs to get the gift bags and tissue situations together for both my daughter's 21st and my sister's 50th later this week.  Soon he will have to make trips to get candles and lotions.  I am not sure I see that going too well.  Things may not be smelling so good in room 222 this spring.  God forbid I should run out of deodorant!  Enjoy your weekend.  Pray for my self-control this Saturday.  I might have too much time on my hands.

Day 5

I found this great quotation by Gandhi.  It sums up what is going on inside my head when it comes to my over-shopping. I just do not feel like the way that I am living matches up to my ideals and goals.  I want more for the world, but at the same time I am conflicted by constantly wanting more for myself.  What is a girl to do?

Obviously, I have too  much time on my hands to think now.  That is always the case during Lent, as we Stephases wind down from technology.  This last few days has been filled with so much consideration that it surprises me.

I had quite a moment of frustration yesterday after work.  My gallant husband drove me into work yesterday to save me from the ice trap that is our school parking lot.  Therefore, he had to retrieve me at the end of the day.  After subbing during both of my planning periods--the last of the day in a rather dirty, unkempt room--I was already a bit more worn out than usual.  I had sent my husband a grocery list early in the morning and assumed he would be able to procure these few things during his lunch hour.

I was incorrect about the grocery mission.  As I parked my rear into the car, he alerted me to the fact that we would have to stop at the store.  Of course I said, rather tersely, that I could not go to the store.  He said I could just wait and wanted to review the list to make sure he would get it all right.  I decided to throw a bit of a baby fit and cross ninety percent of the items off the list. I felt the need to pout and gripe while he  quickly picked ran into Giant Eagle to pick up the rest of the items on my list.  I busied myself with my bad mood while he did his best in the store..

I find this not shopping thing to be a tremendous loss of control.  I have a deep desire to control my environment.  This includes the way that I look, the scent of my home and classroom, the cleanliness of my surroundings, the colors on the walls, etc.  Everyone who knows me knows that I like things just so.  That exterior control helps me to keep a handle  on my interior world. When things are in sync, all is good. When my world runs a muck I to lose it.

The fifth day was just a tad more trying than I would like.  I am not sure if the first 5 day week in months has thrown me off; or, if the shopping fast has taken hold.  I do know that my mood is up and down.  I do know that I am feeling a little more miserly than I ever have.  I do know that I feel more conservative than I ever have. I also know that my attachment to checking my financial progress on my new Mint app could become obsessive.  I want to be sure I do not trade one addiction for another. What I want to replace this problem is a true sense of peace and the feeling of enough.  I know that this will take work and prayer/mediation and time.

Ah well, I made it longer that I have in the past.  On to day six and a challenging weekend ahead.  Maybe I will organize one of my closets!  Maybe...

My motivation!

Day 4

Day 4

Here I am, day four is over and I have survived without buying a single thing.  I did have a moment of deep desire and temptation yesterday.  I was making myself happy by perusing pinterest for wedding ideas.  Someday I want to own a wedding venue and plan weddings.  Therefore, I search and search different sights for great wedding accouterments, including dresses, shoes, decorations, flowers, etc.  I happened upon the Anthropologie wedding page called BHLDN.  It is fantastic and as weddings go, it is not too too expensive.  I digress...anyway, I was blinded by the sight of a beautiful pair of Sam Edleman shoes.  Pointed toe, jeweled, d'orsay flats...does anything more need to be said? I fell quickly in love and started to make the fateful clicks that lead to danger.  Then I stopped myself. I thought about my faithful readers, like my early morning homeroom students Ross and Sammy Jo.  What would I say to them if they asked how it was going?  What would I report about my weakness?  How could I face the snickers to come?

So, I did click, but on the copy button.  I did drool, but only on the computer.  I moved forward and away from temptation.  I can now face my students, my husband, and myself without dread.  It is a good feeling.  Honestly, it is as good a feeling to not shop as it is to shop.  I also clicked around on my bank account website and visa bill on day four.  Those clicks yielded some frightening evidence of my spending. I do not feel good about that.

I am starting to have a feeling of trepidation about the fact that I will no longer receive packages in the mail frequently, or ever.  I believe my last package arrived yesterday.  It was full of lovely spring things I had purchased last week from Ann Taylor in Orlando.  I paused before cutting the box open so that I could truly savor the wonderful feeling that was trapped inside.  However, when I opened it and began to pile pair after pair of adorable crop paints (including the most charming pair of navy eyelet ankle crops) I started to feel nauseous.  Dear  God, I do not need any of this.  I really need nothing new for a very long time.  Rather than opening any of the individual packages, I just chucked them into a basket in the corner of my room.  I couldn't even try them on.  That is not to say that I am going to return them...let's be serious.  Though, at least, things are starting to occur to me.  This is a very new sensation and, frankly, it surprises me.

I am intrigued by my own mind and my own heart.  I am so full of wonderment about what else is lying in wait in my soul.  I look forward to the change this little project could mean to my life, my marriage, my teaching.  It is another day packed with possibility.  I can't wait to see what it holds!

Day 3

I teach my students often that, "Everything in the Bible happens in threes."  It is true. Abraham went up to sacrifice Isaac on the third day.  Moses and his people left on the third day.  Jesus rose on the third day.  I could go on.  You will have to trust me or Google it.  So here I sit after the third day of my new year has passed, reflecting on how it is going, waiting for something to happen.  Some may be surprised I made it even this far.  I own that. However, I am not surprised.  I am a very strong willed person.  This has been a blessing and a curse in my close to fifty-two years of life.  I think it will serve me well in this endeavor.  
Day three passed without much problem.  I caught up with a dear friend during my first planning period of the day.  I checked no adds in the morning.  Lunch passed with little problem; I had the good news of my son's haircut to fill my thoughts.  I am still not feeling well, so after classes were done I left early to go home and sleep. All was well. Then, as I was just about to complete my drive home, I rounded the corner of Buckeye Parkway and Stringtown Road.

There were many things that brought great excitement to me when I moved to Grove City two years ago.  None the least of which was the presence of every major chain retail outlet within two short miles from my house.  I can walk or ride my bike to shop, if necessary.  It has been a source of comfort to me, especially with all of this dicey winter weather we have been experiencing.  I have been able to check in at my favorite stores "quickly" at the end of the school day or on a Saturday morning.  I just like to be sure I am not missing anything that would be a "must have" item.  

So, on day three, as I rounded that faithful corner off of 71 south, I had my first real pang of dread. My car started to make its way into the TJ Maxx parking lot.  It veered into the lot like a dog seeking out its favorite spot to do her business. It pulled off to the right and drove right up to the window of TJ Maxx to look in on the mother ship. Then some force overtook me and I stopped my car, turned her around, and drove home.  

Once home, I snuggled up on the couch by the fire.  I made a cup of half-calf and promptly finished the day's grading. As my grade book wouldn't load from the powerschool website,I turned off my computer and went to sleep. I felt a small sense of pride for my mini-accomplishment.  I also felt a small sense of self-loathing for the fact that this is a struggle for me at all.  What have I become? Who am I that this is a problem?  Why must TJ Maxx be sooo fabulous?  Answers to come, I   suppose. I may need to join a support group or something.  I know things will only become more difficult as the days go on. Thank God I have yoga to calm my mind and body.  I better work on retraining my car. 

Day 2

Ok....two days down.  I am feeling pretty strong.  It has been a while since I have gone two days without shopping.  I am sick as a dog; that helps.  Sadly, sickness doesn't always equate to abstinence when it comes to shopping.  I can thank the internet for that!  When I had my hip transplant I became very close with my wonderful UPS man.  He brought me package after package and truly supported me during a lonely time.  What???????

The internet connection led me right to the places I could not physically visit.  Danger Will Rogers! What is to become of the UPS men and women who I have, through my consistent shopping, kept employed?  This thought is just occurring to me.  Maybe it is too much this idea of mine.  What will happen to Sunday delivery if crazy people like me stop spending hours after hours on Amazon.com? I may have to reconsider, at the very least spend some time in discernment.

To be honest, I did have a moment of weakness.  Lunch time is always browsing-the-deals time.  I just spend a few minutes from 11:07-11:50 checking in to see what I might be missing.  I scroll through the nice suggestive emails sent to me by my faithful friends.  Gap is fairly faithful about sending me good deals; Ann Taylor, of course,does a good job of keeping me in the loop. These committed stores join a long list of those who do not disappoint during lunch hour email checks. They show me how lovely I could be with new red paisley crop pants and a navy boat neck sweater.They give me hope for spring days and Easter dresses in the near future.  These emails allow me to be creative about my spending, while I negotiate with myself about why I need one more cardigan sweater or patent leather zebra print belt.

I am shocked and pleased to say that I did not fall into temptation.  I did do a lot of clicking of the mouse on day 2, but only to delete the magnetic emails as they filled my in box.  I even marked many of the retailers as spam so that I wouldn't have to see what I would be missing.  And...I unsubscribed from some of my favorite stores.  It actually scares me to imagine what it will be like when my retail boy and girlfriends are no longer reaching out to me.  How will I know what is going on in the fashion world?

I have decided to shoulder on.

I notice already that this venture will involve a lot of trust in others to provide. If I need coffee, if I need mascara, if I need new unders: someone who loves me must decide to give of their own stores of cash to provide for my needs.  I suppose I will begin to learn what my needs are.  I suppose I will have to ask others for help.  I suppose I will have to put my faith in someone besides Mr. TJ Maxx.

Oh well, as my trusty students remind me I have only 363 days left to figure this all out.  Oh holy control.  I will have to give you up as well.

Day 1

I heard on the news this morning that March 1st used to be considered the first day of the year. Interesting! It is a good day to begin a new year. Spring is soon to be here; we are in the season of Lent; beautiful things are unfolding in nature. This news has gotten me thinking about a new leaf I should overturn. 

I am a shopaholic. There, I said it. Last Sunday I spent three hours on-line shopping. I ordered forty-one things from Lands End! Forty-one things! I know I have a problem. I always say that shopping is my hobby. Whoa...what a hobby it has become. I have a deep-seeded desire to quell this vice. So, I have decided to commit to a huge, huge life change. I have decided to try one whole year without a day in a shop. My husband is on board. He is secretly thrilled with the idea, I am sure. 

I have survived one day. I did it.  I did not even look at one thing online. I stayed home and meditated, did yoga, cooked, snuggled with my husband by the fire. I had time to hang pictures in the guest bedroom. I had time to walk three miles and watch Downtown Abbey on the day it came out. I purged my home of the many and various coupons and special deals sent to me by the retailers I love. I feel like I am breaking up with my boyfriend. I am sorry Ann Taylor. Please forgive me J. Crew. We may get back together again. I hope I am strong enough to resist your charms, my retail friends.

I will look to my idols Thomas Merton and Henry David Thoreau. I will read their works and remain inspired by their ability and willingness to empty themselves of the trappings of contemporary existence. I will spend more time in nature and in meditation. I suppose I will find something more about the world and myself by expending less time in my favorite

pastime. I will read more and write more. Yada, yada, yada. Promises, promises. One day down. 364 days to go. We shall see!