Day 4

Day 4

Here I am, day four is over and I have survived without buying a single thing.  I did have a moment of deep desire and temptation yesterday.  I was making myself happy by perusing pinterest for wedding ideas.  Someday I want to own a wedding venue and plan weddings.  Therefore, I search and search different sights for great wedding accouterments, including dresses, shoes, decorations, flowers, etc.  I happened upon the Anthropologie wedding page called BHLDN.  It is fantastic and as weddings go, it is not too too expensive.  I digress...anyway, I was blinded by the sight of a beautiful pair of Sam Edleman shoes.  Pointed toe, jeweled, d'orsay flats...does anything more need to be said? I fell quickly in love and started to make the fateful clicks that lead to danger.  Then I stopped myself. I thought about my faithful readers, like my early morning homeroom students Ross and Sammy Jo.  What would I say to them if they asked how it was going?  What would I report about my weakness?  How could I face the snickers to come?

So, I did click, but on the copy button.  I did drool, but only on the computer.  I moved forward and away from temptation.  I can now face my students, my husband, and myself without dread.  It is a good feeling.  Honestly, it is as good a feeling to not shop as it is to shop.  I also clicked around on my bank account website and visa bill on day four.  Those clicks yielded some frightening evidence of my spending. I do not feel good about that.

I am starting to have a feeling of trepidation about the fact that I will no longer receive packages in the mail frequently, or ever.  I believe my last package arrived yesterday.  It was full of lovely spring things I had purchased last week from Ann Taylor in Orlando.  I paused before cutting the box open so that I could truly savor the wonderful feeling that was trapped inside.  However, when I opened it and began to pile pair after pair of adorable crop paints (including the most charming pair of navy eyelet ankle crops) I started to feel nauseous.  Dear  God, I do not need any of this.  I really need nothing new for a very long time.  Rather than opening any of the individual packages, I just chucked them into a basket in the corner of my room.  I couldn't even try them on.  That is not to say that I am going to return them...let's be serious.  Though, at least, things are starting to occur to me.  This is a very new sensation and, frankly, it surprises me.

I am intrigued by my own mind and my own heart.  I am so full of wonderment about what else is lying in wait in my soul.  I look forward to the change this little project could mean to my life, my marriage, my teaching.  It is another day packed with possibility.  I can't wait to see what it holds!